How Googling “Will eating ___ make me fat?’ caused mental exhaustion

This one is a little hard for me to write, I haven’t admitted these thoughts out loud let alone in a blog format. I would say for about the last year and a half, I have been very critical of my eating habits. I over analyze what I eat; I secretly count calories in my head and plan my social calendar based on what I will eat at each outing. I am not proud to admit this, but I also realize it is normal to feel vulnerable.

I am not proud of these thoughts. I constantly catch myself thinking this way; I work to push them out my mind, as I know I am being hard on myself.

I search for reasons to believe what I just ate is “okay” and won’t make me “fat”.

Then I get to thinking, “Gabriella get real it’s food, it’s necessary to live, it taste good, enjoy it.”

I am on a strict exercise routine, nutrients are important to sustain the energy and calories I am burning in the gym. These are the thoughts I work to keep in my head every day.

You are your hardest critic.

These thoughts have caused me to realize how we are truly our own hardest critics. No one has said any of these judgments to me, no one gave me these ideas; I have been internalizing the thoughts and believing them, which is the worst part of it all.

Holding in and dealing with these negative thoughts has caused me to go through several phases of self-guilt and just because of what I ate? I can’t really comprehend where these emotions came from and why they began, it has taken me several months to realize them and begin to tune them out hopefully forever. I realize this may not be realistic and just part of who I am, not proud of this but I remember all the rest of the good: the energy to work out at 5 a.m., the enjoyment of cooking and baking, the things that I cherish in life.

Tis the Season.

I think the time of year isn’t working in my favor on this one either, with all the sweet temptations around, several holiday parties (which I am always excited for a good holiday party, don’t get me wrong there); are just two instances where negative thoughts and over-analyzing have a chance to enter my mind.

You look great.

I know, I am not the only one out there with these thoughts. That is partial my motivation for writing about self-guilt, to express the feelings in hopes to encourage just one reader. You do look great, I promise you, no matter how much self-guilt is effecting you at any given moment. The holidays may get you down with temptation around every day, all day, I feel the pain. Realize these thoughts, ignore them and remember how great you look, cherish that, after all you will never get Christmas 2016 back. Don’t let it pass full of self-guilt.

“Be your best beautiful self.” – Gabriella

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