Why Do We Let Men Define Us

Recently a lot of my close girlfriends have been dating. They are finding great guys and trying to figure out this lovely dating game. It is amazing how secure, amazing, independent women can become so insecure of what they have to offer a man.

I have heard everything from, “I am not good enough for him” to “he is out of my league” to “he won’t ever like me.” We say so many things that cut ourselves down for why a guy might not be interested in us or stick around.

It is a struggle in today’s society. We have social media that encourages us to compare. We compare our looks, our personalities, our… everything to other girls. We think we are not good enough if a certain guy does not like us and we try to find out what is wrong with ourselves to fix it.

But my questions are….Who said we were not good enough? And why is that the reason behind everything? What about them? Why do we have to be the ones feeling insecure and thinking we are not good enough for them?

I have news for you ladies you are good enough! You should never think you are any less of yourself. I heard this quote the other day and I feel like it is something that needs to be shared:

Dear Woman,

Sometimes you’ll just be too much woman, too smart, too beautiful, too strong, two much of something. That makes a man feel like less of a man, which will start making you feel like you have to be less of a woman. The biggest mistake you can make is removing jewels from your crown, to make it easier for a man to carry. When this happens, I need you to understand, you do not need a smaller crown- you need a man with bigger hands.

Even though we feel like we have to compare ourselves to other women, the thing is you will be good enough for the right man. You will never need to become less for the right person. Trust me I roll my eyes every time someone says that to me because not only do I know it is true, it is hard to accept that sometimes you can be too much for someone.

Don’t get me wrong, I am one of those women that thought they were not good enough for a long time. I battled those issues just like everyone else. However, the more I have grown up the more I have learned that we allow men to have the day in what defines instead of defining ourselves.

We let them be the dominating one in when we will date, when we will talk and it is all in their hands. Why? Why should we decide to allow that? If a man can’t see your beauty from the beginning and you become insecure, you are allowing him to define how the relationship will be. It is 100% okay to decide for yourself. Lay it out and respect what you need and want as well. Men have no problem saying they are not ready for a relationship, they just want to have fun, etc so guess what ladies you are allowed to too!

Recently, one of my girlfriends came to me about not feeling good enough and the more I explained to her that she was allowing a man to define their relationship, the more she realized she had just as much right in the decision as he did. I understand each woman wants to feel wanted and attractive to a man, but the more mature you become the more you realize that a good relationship is a partnership not just a one sided deal.

Ladies, you are good enough. Actually sometimes you are more than enough. Do not let a man define you. Define it yourself.