When The ‘Good Guy’ Isn’t So Good

T

The bad boy. We all know one… Maybe we’ve even dated a few. They’re suave, cool, know how to rock a leather jacket (even if they don’t own one…) and have been around the block enough to know exactly what to say to keep drawing you in (even though you know it’s the wrong thing to do). But it’s tiresome dating guys like this. By some miracle, we realize it’s finally time to leave our ‘bad boy phase’ or that we just need a break from the jerks, so we inevitably give one of the “good guys” a shot. We’ve chosen to believe that the guy who claims to be one of the good ones, actually is.

Sadly it turns out that the ‘good guy’ can be just as shitty, if not more so, than the bad boys.

For any girl that has been through this, you can understand firsthand how the process goes. At first things are great. He is wonderful; he is everything you think you are looking for. He has that good job, is cute and is a hard worker- the list goes on. You start checking off all the things he has that you have been looking for. However, as time goes on, the so called good guy that you thought would never make you feel crappy, indeed makes you feel crappy about something.

The worst part is it was never in the way of abuse, or jealousy, or cheating on you. Instead all he does is put you high on a pedestal, until you feel like if you fail to meet the expectations, you are letting him down.

As your relationship fades out, he begins to make you feel as though it was entirely your fault even though he lacked in communication just as much as you did. He blames you for the break up, decides to never talk to you again (even after saying he wanted to be friends) and a month later is in another relationship way more public than yours was. The good guy he supposedly said he was, ended with him showing you he was just another jerk.

He played the good guy card, but just because he was a good person in general doesn’t mean he is a good guy when it comes to dating.

We can all agree on one thing when it comes to these guys. If we ever had the chance to talk to them again, we definitely have a few choice words we would say to them.

What We’d Tell the “Good Guy”

1. We will never apologize.

For not meeting their standards, standards they built in their head and made small remarks about. We were ourselves the whole time and we won’t be ashamed for that.

2. As much as we appreciate the nice things they did for us, we are grown women.

It is nice every once and a while, but all the time? It takes away from the appreciation of having things done for you every now and then.

3. When they asked about our feelings, maybe they should have tried listening and understanding instead of reacting and becoming defensive.

We felt as though if we did not say what they wanted to hear, they would get defensive and not even listen to what was being said.

4. Getting into a relationship a month after we ended does not make them look classy or remotely even a good person.

It takes away from all the things they said about us and our relationship with us. It showed us that when they said they were invested into our relationship they were not, instead they were invested into a relationship in general.

5. That they are serial daters.

Good guys are just looking for anyone to love them, they settle for what they do not want just to have someone. Instead of dating over and over again, set back and become the person you want to be.

6. What was so wrong with us that we have to live up to certain standards?

If we were ‘so awesome’ and ‘the most amazing woman you ever met’ why did we feel we had to live up to unexpected terms or we would fail them?

7. We love how they always say, “I like that you are independent” however the whole time we dated, we felt as though they are trying to take it away from us.

These good guys were the ones always blaming girls for not giving the good guy a chance and chasing after the bad boys. Then the minute we decide to give them a chance, they try to change things about us. They try to push us to be someone we were never going to be. We enjoy our independence as women and we are stronger believers in keeping it.

8. Remember when they asked if we could stay friends after we broke up with them?

Only to find out, once we text them to see how they are, they do not respond and we never hear from them again. We have all dated jerks that even have stayed in more contact after a break up then the good guy. They were so quick to say we would stay friends but then dropped it like it was hot. If we were just so amazing and wonderful to date and they felt so lucky to be with us, why weren’t we good enough to stay friends with?

9. These so called good guys tried to get our friends to like them more than focusing on our relationship.

They spent the whole time dating us trying to portray to others that they were a great guy instead of caring about our relationship in general. The focus was always on what other people thought instead of what we thought of them.

10. Stop blaming us!

They blamed us for so many things that were also their fault. Instead of taking responsibility for their lack of communication, they blamed us for it. Just because they are a good guy does not mean they are able to get away with making us feel bad or treating us like crap. In every relationship, there are two people and if they are not willing to work on communication, we shouldn’t have to either.

—
These so called good guys changed our perspective on what a good guy in the dating world really is. How they handled the situation and how they portrayed themselves to be someone that they are not is very hard to keep us convinced that good guys are actually out there in the dating world.

But. That doesn’t mean they’re not out there! We just need to keep our eyes open and not only look out for those leather jackets—and stay far, FAR away—we need to look for the ones who do what they say they will, call their moms, and make us feel the self-worth we know we have. Sometimes, that means we have to be their friends first. And sometimes, it means we have to take a chance on getting another bad one. No matter what, the actual good guy is out there, hiding behind a wall of adversity put up by all the bad ones. He shows up when we least expect it, and proves us wrong…but in the best possible way.