What Makes It Rape?

One woman’s story can help change other woman’s lives or this is what I am hoping for you.

Betty’s Story

My client, (we will call her Betty) has had a secret buried inside of her for thirty years. Betty is a client of mine and she wanted to tell me something she has never told another person; thirty years ago she was raped during a home invasion robbery.

Betty had a dog door and forgot to lock it one evening; this is how the intruder got into her home. As she saw him standing there, she said there was no doubt that he was going to rape her and then kill her. She made a deal with him, she told him that she would consent to the rape if he didn’t kill her. He agreed. He raped her, he left and she called the police.

At the hospital, one of the nursing staff asked her how the man got into her home. She told her that she forgot to lock the dog door; the staff member then said, “I bet you won’t make that mistake again.” Betty felt responsible because she left the door unlocked.

The police and other staff members started to question her; she told them she made a bargain with him by consenting to the rape if he would not kill her. They said, “Then it can’t be rape, because you consented.”

Life is all about choices

Life is all about choices and that day Betty made a choice. She chose to live instead of die. The man also made a choice, he chose to invade her home with the intent to rape and kill her. Whenever a woman chooses life over death; that can never be the wrong choice.

For thirty years Betty carried the guilt of this event around with her and for thirty years the pain of her decision manifested in her everyday life.

Finally Understanding

Betty finally understands that she made the right choice; she chose life. It is so important for every single girl and woman to understand that her past does not define her.

Whatever has happened in the past does not define who you are in the present but it can dictate who you are in the future if you allow the event to keep you in victim mode.

When a woman lives in victim mode she chooses to allow the past event or trauma to diminish her levels of “SELF” ~ Self-Image, Self-Awareness, Self-Esteem & Self-Love. This is difficult for a woman to accept because the automatic response is, “I am not allowing this.” But until a woman is ready to say:

“I will no longer allow what happened in the past to define my levels of “SELF” and discover her truth so that she can speak her truth, she will remain in victim mode. Once a woman finds and speaks her truth, she will be set free and begins to be empowered on all levels of “SELF”.

I encourage every single woman and girl to hear these words:

“You are a gift. You matter. You are a bright shining star and you deserve to shine your light so bright that people will have to wear sunglasses just to be in your presence. The time has come for all women to understand that the past will only define you if you make a choice to allow it to define you.”

I am not the first to say this and I believe it with all of my heart, “It’s not what happens to us that matters, it’s what we do with what happens to us.” Once you make the choice to find your truth and speak your truth the event that had you fearful of speaking up will no longer hold power over you.

Every woman deserves to live a guilt free life and every day is an opportunity for a new beginning. You may not have a choice about the event itself but you do have choice about whether or not the event will empower or disempower you.

Life Is All About Choices ~ Choose To Be Empowered!

Nancy Mueller ~ Empowerment Series for Women & Girls