To The Boys Who Taught Me How to Love Myself

To the boys who taught me how to love myself,

You are not a man. You are just a boy. A man would never degrade a woman. A man would cherish, love and care for a woman. A man would listen to her. A man would do anything for a woman. A man would do anything for a woman. A man would put her first. But you are just a boy.

You taught me to:

Hate

Cry

Worry

and Hurt

You taught me to hate.

I hated everything about myself. I hated the color of my hair, the color of my eyes and the color of my skin. I hated my body and the clothes I wore. You opened my eyes to all my flaws. I hated the shape of my body, the shape of my eyes, the shape of mt nose and the shape of my lips. I hated the way my hair fell down my back and across my face. I hated everything about myself and everything I did. I hated everything that made me… well me.

You taught me to cry.

I don’t think I have ever cried this much before. I cried because you made me so sad. I cried because I was so unhappy with you and myself. I cried because you shouldn’t be trusted. I cried because you lied to me. I cried because you broke my heart. I cried because you took advantage of me. I cried because you degraded me and made me feel worthless. I cried because I let you hurt me. You made me cry so much. You made me cry more than anyone I have ever met. You made me cry until I couldn’t cry anymore.

You taught me to worry.

You made me worry about everything. I worried that you’d get tired of me. I worried that I wasn’t good enough for you. I worried that I wasn’t pretty enough for you. I worried that I wasn’t skinny enough for you. I worried that you’d betray me. I worried that you’d leave me. I worried that you’d hate me as much as I hated myself. I worried that you’d never talk to me again. I have never worried this much about anyone or anything. Now I suffer the consequences thanks to you.

You taught me what hurt was.

You hurt me in so many ways. You hurt my heart. You hurt my head. You hurt my body in more ways than one. You hurt ever part of me. I was numb and full of pain. You taught me to hurt myself and the people around me. You hurt me mentally and emotionally. I was so hurt that I began to hurt myself. I wanted to stop the pain. I wanted to hurt you as much as you hurt me.

You taught me all of these feelings and emotions.

I never felt so much pain and hurt in my life. I have never hated myself until I met you. I have never cried as much as I have when I met someone like you. I have never worried about anything as much as I do when I was with you. I just want to know what you get out of it? Do you like hurting other people? Do you get joy out of it? Do you realize what you are doing to all of these girls.

But through everything, I am so thankful I have learned what self-love is.

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Soo…

To all the girls.

I personally wanted to write this letter for all the girls that know how this feels. You are not alone. All of the things you have seen and been through does not make you any less of a woman. You were a girl when these things happened. Now you are a woman. You are a woman because all those things you have been through makes you stronger. You are a woman because you stood back up off of that cold, hard ground and kept going. I know what that feels like. I have been there too. I am proud of you.

To all the boys.

I personally wanted to write this for all the boys that have hurt me throughout the years. All of you boys, taught me these emotions. I wanted to thank you for teaching me these things. You taught me to trust less people. You taught me to change my ways. You taught me love myself. Because of all of you boys, I became a woman. I know how dark this world can be. I know how dark my mind can be. I now know how to succeed because of all of you. I now know the difference between a boy and a man.

Sincerely,

A Girl That Now Loves Herself