Thanks for the Memories: The Pains of a Break Up

Written by Contributor Writer Erica Chavez 

When someone goes through a break up, there are a lot of emotions that come with it. You might feel pain, relief or numbness depending on why you broke up. Either way, it is a change in your life that you have to adjust to. One of the hardest parts of ending a relationship with someone you cared about is the memories of your time spent together.  Some people move on faster than others, but something we cannot control is erasing the memory of that person. Whether you are driving by a restaurant you went to with him or her, you see a mutual friend out at a bar, or a song comes on that you both liked, the memories are everywhere. While some memories do fade, you can’t erase everything, even though I know sometimes we wish we could.

I recently went through a break up that I didn’t see coming. We didn’t have a dramatic one; he just didn’t see me in his future. That was a hard thing to accept, but this happens all the time. Sometimes two people just aren’t meant to be. I found that the most difficult part of our break up was remembering all of the sweet things he said or did. We all go through the flashbacks and remember the times when you were so happy with that person.

Memories are the ghosts of the relationship, which is why I believe they are the worst part of any break up. When I was moving on from my most recent ex, I would be just fine until someone would tell me something about him, or I would see a stuffed animal in my closet that he gave to me, or I would see a picture of him posted on Facebook. There are so many things that accumulate over a relationship that makes it very hard to forget someone. After a few months of not speaking to my ex, I ran into him at a bar. I was already happy with someone else at the time and I had heard that he was also with someone new. I hoped it would be normal, but unfortunately it was not. We were both shocked to see each other at the bar, and we exchanged awkward waves. He acted weird the whole night towards me, and while I was with someone else it still bothered me. I have never understood people who break up and act like they don’t even remember the person when they see them again. I know it is impossible that you have erased the memories that the two of you shared so how can you act like that person is a complete stranger? This is just another reason why memories are awful once you break up. I left the bar remembering that two months prior we were holding each other, meeting each other’s families, being ridiculously happy doing the most simple things like me sitting on his bed while he folded his socks but now he treats me like someone he barely knows.

Memories fade but are never gone. I hope that anyone who reads this might change how they treat their exes in the future. You don’t have to be friends, but you also don’t have to act like they never meant something to you because I know the memories are there for you just as much as they are there for your ex. You remember every good date, your inside jokes, the time your stomach hurt from laughing and the time that you looked at each other and wondered how you ever lived life without this person. Memories are the only thing left once a relationship has ended. They might be the hardest part of a break up, but they are also the best because it’s how you remember what you had together.