A Letter to My Inner Child

I know you are buried deep within me, and I also know we have been through hell. But, this is for you. You have protected me in the worst of times, and made me laugh when waters were rough.

My mother always told me to “protect that little girl inside” whenever I was faced with a difficult situation, got dumped, dealt with some horrible news, etc. Honestly, I think of that every time something terrible happens.

Growing up, like any other wanna-be princess ( I actually believed I was) I trusted that fairytales were real. I soon learned that my ballerina dreams needed to be abandoned, and my prince charming was not going to arrive any time soon. I was abruptly a damsel in distress.

When I was brave enough to audition for the school choir and got denied, you were bold enough to help me walk away with only a single tear shed.

When I wanted to dance, I danced, despite being told I was only a distraction. Your sudden moves might have been the cause of a few harsh words but you stayed passionate.

When my father spit in my face, you taught me how to hide. I know you were afraid that night, but we came out strong.

When I decided to dye my hair black and the neighborhood moms refused me from babysitting their children, you were there to teach me that if someone can’t accept you for who you are, they don’t deserve you anyway.

When those girls in high school made fun of my funky way to dress, you were by my side telling me I was still beautiful no matter what my wardrobe looked like.

When that stranger put his hands on the parts of my body that were not his, you helped me run. We did it, we got out alive.

When I decided to take the abuse from a man I thought I loved, you were there holding my hand through all of it. You helped me to walk away for good.

When I decided to cause pain to my own flesh, you were sad, but you understood.

When all I wanted to do was fix an addict who was broken, you were there to teach me that I come first, that I matter too.

When I developed an eating disorder, you were always in my ear telling me that I didn’t need to manipulate my body. You were always telling me that I was perfect the way I was.

When I decided to go away for treatment, that was you who made that phone call! You know I can’t do that on my own. You got me to push myself and go. Now, look at us. We are on the road of recovery!

When I found out who my father really was, you encouraged my decision to leave. I can’t thank you enough for that.

My inner child is with me everywhere I go. I always catch myself thinking “what would that little girl do about this?” My inner child is the toughest, bravest, most courageous little rascal, and I love her for that.

I love myself thanks to her.

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